Robin's Musings

by Robin Hallett

Do you know someone who retells the same story to you every time you are with them? You say to yourself “I’ve heard this already”, or “how many more times will I have to hear this?” and you might even feel like a hostage having to listen again. They repeat it and re-tell it. It is so old, and they are still dragging that story around like it just happened!

Or maybe you know somebody who has an outlook on life, a perspective that never seems to change. They are too tired, or they’re too busy, or just not good enough. They tell you, I could never do that my family won’t like it. They say: it will never be the same again, or I can’t get out of debt. They tell the same old story, without a shred of hope that anything could change for the better.

You may realize something already: these people may not be ready to let it go. Somehow, in some way we can’t understand, the story is serving them. It’s in their bones; it’s in the fiber of their being.

So there you are trying to talk to this person and help them with their old story, maybe give some ideas on how it could be different, and they always have a response, the same old response, “But I can’t! Or, they’ll say, “I guess I’m broken.” Or, “I’ve been so hurt that I’m bruised”. And, they have an unconscious expectation of everyone they know to not rock the boat, to not challenge them. They kind of say, “LEAVE ME ALONE! This is MY story… I’m, just living my story“.

Now what about the experiences we have had in the past that have left us feeling the sadness, anger, or disappointment of being hurt, betrayed, humiliated, or abandoned? We hold those old stories as Truth in our hearts, because we experienced it first hand, and the experience was so strong, so painful, so shocking to our system. These stories act like scripts that unconsciously direct our lives. We usually don’t realize we are following the directions in an old story, it just feels like the way things are for us. It’s “normal”.

We end up looking at all our new experiences through the tinted lens of what happened before. We expect the same pattern to happen, and so prepare for it. We brace ourselves, holding what happened before up like a shield. We say, “I just know it will end badly” or, we say, “I just know it will make me sick” or, “I just know he won’t call me”. And when we buy into that kind of thinking, whether we know it or not, we end up playing the same part in the old story.

When you define your life by the old story, you limit what you can create. You set up a barrier that gets put into place and you cannot get beyond it.

So how can we find those old stories in ourselves, and learn to let them go so that we can live in the abundant possibilities of today?

Step One: Recognize that you have old stories. To start, look at your stories about the following topics:

· Love (ex: Love does me wrong, I’m unlucky in love)

· God (ex: God is mad at me because I don’t go to church)

· Money (ex: We never had two nickels to rub together growing up)

Step Two: Recognize the story is based in the past. Get curious. When did this something that you carry or believe begin? How long have you been carrying this story around? How much is the old story is attached to you? Is it embedded in you?

As a child, you might have had a teacher, parent, or sibling, who said something like, “You’ll never be good enough”, or, “You’ll never amount to anything”. This statement may be unconsciously scripting your life right up to this moment.

Step three: Acknowledge you have been carrying it. See that this story has been polluting your experience of today. It flavors what you do, what you say, and who you connect with. They can get stuck like parasites. Not only do they siphon your healthy life force energy, they also send feedback to you all the time, unconsciously informing your day-to-day life.

Being attached to old stories turns us into Victims and can only leave us suffering, feeling frustrated, hopeless, worthless, and angry.

Step Four: Find how it has been informing the present day, or the NOW of your life. How have you been affected by carrying the belief of, “You’ll never be good enough” Ask yourself, is it still true for me? How much of these stories are even mine? How much are family stories that I inherited?

When you’re taught something living by example- you make that story your own story without knowing anything is happening. It just becomes your truth.
To receive something new, you have to let go of something you carry. And you have to want to let it go.

So this brings up a good question. Does all of this talk about the old story mean that you shouldn’t be upset about what happened in the past? Of course not!

There is a difference between being at a genuine stage of healing that requires looking into what happened — and maybe working with someone who can be a witness for you, to listen to your story and help you step out of the place you are in — and, someone who just lives the wound over and over and over. And, we all have been in both places. The thing is to realize it happens, and ask yourself if you want to keep doing this.

Step Five: Make a decision that you are ready to move out from under the confines of that old story.

Decide that your biography does not have to become your biology. Decide that you are strong enough to call your spirit back. And, find some allies who can help support you in staking your claim on the sacred ground of your life.

Step Six: Find the edge, find the wall, you keep bumping up against and see what it is that you need, and what it is that you can do to break through it.

Maybe you find out that the barrier in your way is fear. In that case, try an affirmation to support you in the breakthrough: I welcome my strength and my courage today.

Step Seven: Realize that on the other side, there are new truths, new possibilities for you to live in.

One new truth might be that the past can also serve as a powerful teacher. See that you survived the ordeal and came out a little wiser than when you first went in. As you reflect back, say, “Yes, it was sad, yes it was hard, but I am better for it.” All that you have learned flavors your life today in a good way.

As you gain more perspective about the old stories, try to change your language too. Make a commitment to speak more in the present tense about your life. Of course you will recall your past, but make it a habit to recall the good times. When someone asks you how you are, give them the positive answer; let that be your default setting.

For every old story you carry, there is a new one just waiting to be discovered! I know you have it in you to embrace change and try something new!