Robin's Musings

Lots of us know where we want to go in life. We have goals for ourselves. We feel a desire, a longing for something different for our life. Yet, we have no idea how to get there — how to make it happen.

For many of us there are road blocks, obstacles both large and small, that snag, snare, and trip us. They seem to prevent us from moving forward on our journey.

As you read this, you might be thinking about some challenge areas in your own life.
These issues that you recognize as repeat offenders — your personal road blocks — which you would like to overcome, heal and transform. Do you feel overwhelmed when you hit these challenges in your day to day life because you don’t know what to do about them?

Something I hear from many of my clients is: Why is this happening to me? This always happens to me. How did it get this way? How did I end up here again? How long must I suffer? When will it end? Why am I the only one? Why does it ALWAYS happen to me?

If you can identify with those questions, take heart. Whenever I hear these questions, in myself or in another person, I know that we are standing at a powerful crossroad. In one direction lies the old familiar territory. In the other, a new uncharted path leading in the direction of our deepest longings.

The point is, you are here. It is happening. This IS your life. The longer you sit in the question of: why why why? The longer you will spin your wheels in the mud and not make any movement forward.

Your words and your energy have a lot of power. When you continually bring your focus back to the obstacle in your path and ask why is this happening to me? Where do you focus? Where is your energy invested? In that moment of asking, your energy focus is on the mud hole you are sinking in. Your focus is on the problems, the issues, the stumbling blocks. Since everything we focus on draws nearer to us, the issue — our mud hole — grows and multiplies. Before you know it, you have no idea that life can be anything other than as it already is.

The first step in transformation begins with a willingness (and a fair amount of fearlessness) to move on without all of the information. At this point on your journey, the answer to why is this happening to me? is not ready to come. You are on a ‘need to know basis’ with your spirit, and when the time is right, this information will be revealed to you. I make it a habit to say to myself I don’t know, I don’t need to know.

The next step is to identify where you actually are in life. So rather than asking, Why is this happening to me? Ask, Where exactly am I? Inside each of us there is a sincere longing to understand the experiences we keep facing that seem to prevent us from moving forward in life.

We really do need to know what is going on. We need to name it. The very act of putting words to where you are, or to what is happening allows it to become real, it gives you a foundation to stand on. And that actually creates a lot of safety in your body — no matter where you find yourself standing. Remember when you were a kid and your room was dark? You could see a mass in the corner that looked like a monster? And the longer you sat in the dark staring at the ‘thing’ over there in the corner, the bigger your terror became? Then when the light came on, you saw it was just a pile of clothes tossed onto a chair. Once you could see it up close and personal, the fear subsided.

Naming where we are at also helps us to step back from our experience and observe it more objectively. This automatically creates an impartial witness inside of ourselves. A part that isn’t just lost in the experience (and the emotion) but is standing on the sidelines. This inner wise one, the inner witness, can see where you are and begin to point you in the right direction so that you can begin to travel forward. This is also the part of you that will help remind you of which way to turn the next time the crossroads appear.

We all have this same work to do. No matter who you are, no matter your experience, you are on a path of transformation. Once you know where you are- then you have something to work with. It’s a good thing to look at your life and all of your experiences. All of them, even the ones you usually skip over because you are still carrying some negative feelings about what happened. It requires a certain fearlessness, but I know you are up for it. You’ve been through a lot, you have seen a lot. You’ve experienced a lot.

So tap in to your inner wise one, go inside and ask for directions…What would you like? Which direction would you like to head? Trust that great things come from small beginnings. If you begin to practice this, you will be sowing those seeds of transformation. And as any good gardener knows, if you can sow them lovingly and tend to them gently, you will yield a bumper crop this year!